I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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