You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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