Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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