Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
