Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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