I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
