this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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