I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
