Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
