She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
