Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
