Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize