Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
