I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
