On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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