you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize