So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
