Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Mom said you looked used
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
