I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Alive.
So much puke
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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