My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
