Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
