So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
