One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
