I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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