DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
