I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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