I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
