were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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