Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
