She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
