i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize