matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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