I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
