I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
