So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
