so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize