What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
