glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
