dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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