I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
