I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
