thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
