Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
