He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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