Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
