dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
