Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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