Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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