My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
