so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
