my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
