Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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