Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
