I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
