Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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