I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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