kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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