How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
