Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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