I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
