so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
