eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
