Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
