i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
