She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
