Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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