I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
