I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
