The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i will never coherently bang her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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