She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
