I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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