So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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