Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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