I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
