are you still at the devil's house?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
