I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
