I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
