I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
two words: eviction party
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
