pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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