Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
