I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
