Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
