His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
