We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
