Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
