you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
