I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
